Stories from the Professional Theatre Training Program: Valerie Hawkins

Our Professional Theatre Training Program (PTTP) offers financial support for unique and flexible training with a chosen mentor in any theatrical discipline (except performance.)

Valerie Hawkins trained in direction with Jillian Keiley at the the Stratford Festival

(June 27, 2017) Where does one begin when one is at the end? It's been three months of exciting process on every front. I wasn't sure if being a directing shadow might frustrate me. Before we began I had worries. Would I feel like more than just a silent partner? Would I feel like I had made a contribution? What could I learn from being in the constant sidelines? Those doubts were quickly put to bed early on. In their place came real revelations about just how much I would come away with...and I have....come away with so much from this enormous and gratifying project. Thank you Theatre Ontario for making it possible!

The final couple of weeks were especially challenging given the nature of scheduling at the Stratford Festival. A 10-out-of-12 followed by two days of no Bakkhai rehearsal as the actors were needed for their other repertory shows as they too made their way towards first preview. My admiration for these actors goes deep. So much focus, so much work is required of them, and they're juggling so many hats. The first tech dress was May 19th—first time in costume and wigs—still working out some very technical use of props, paint, and lighting etc... Jill asked me to try and watch the show with a critical eye—to try and flag any moments that I didn't understand or that didn't make sense to me. I did. It's amazing how personal self-doubt can creep into my experience—I was faced with my monkey mind asking me "What do you have to say?" "How do your thoughts and opinions have relevance?" We truly are our own worst critics! Jill was treating me as a director—with valid comments to make! To say the least—I felt honoured—and she even said my notes were smart. Amazing how words of encouragement from one I respect so much can positively resonate to the core.

The second dress happened May 24. Incredible to witness the lift, the arc, the advancement both for the cast and tech. Then another leap into the first preview May 27.

Then it was all about the fine tuning and tweaking and opening night, June 16, was upon us. It was nothing short of electric and I felt incredibly proud of everyone involved in making this extraordinary production come to life.

Bakkhai at the Stratford Festival
Lucy Peacock (centre) with members of the company.
Photography by Cylla von Tiedemann.

It's clear to me that I know more about being a good director than I thought I knew before this shadowing experience. When to give an actor space, when to reign them in, helping to hone a performance and the collaborative nature of making that happen are skills I realize were in my tool box already. However, there is also the question of what I didn't know I didn't know. Much of that for me was found in discovering the immense research, preparation and work that had gone on in pre-production. Jill had been thinking about the story she wanted to tell with Bakkhai a year before rehearsals started. Seeing the amount of digging and thought she had put into the project over that period was a huge eye opener for me. It has given me great pause and an even greater respect for her as a director and for the job of a director in general.

Jill asked me some great questions around directing too. What did I want to direct? What stories did I want to tell? What is important to me or for me to say? I'm not sure I have full blown answers to these questions as yet but I'm much closer to answering and that's a very exciting realization.

Just as the Bakkhai "shed their looms" and essentially their lives to go live free on the mountain—so I have the desire to explore new possibilities for how to inhabit our precarious world.

I believe now more than ever that theatre has the magic and power to portray or suggest massive shifts in present paradigms and thereby hopefully influencing the way people think and live. To a very important extent the director's vision and pursuits end up being the primal force in that expression and I take that very seriously.

As for me personally, these past few months shadowing have been a much needed distraction from my cancer treatment and as I now enter a period of chemo free months I will be able to devote myself to these questions and expect to explore the stories I want to tell.

Related Reading:

• Valerie Hawkins’ first story
• Valerie Hawkins’ second story

The next application deadline for the Professional Theatre Training Program is October 2, 2017.

Learn more about Theatre Ontario's Professional Theatre Training Program

Theatre Ontario’s Professional Theatre Training Program is funded by the Ontario Arts Council, an agency of the Government of Ontario.